Dan Bilzerian’s Famous Celebrity Hookup – IMPAULSIVE EP. 296




A Seasonal Message From Your Emperor

May 5th is as you know the annual Festival of Nosferatu and also the ninety fifth anniversary of the visitation of the emissary Tharg of the so-called “Lizard” people to my great great Uncle Jonathan “Ross-child” Rockabilly 4th in his New York penthouse. The aforementioned event was, it hardly need be said, the occasion of the safe delivery of the “Book of Doom,” (3rd edition) containing the blueprint for the subjugation of Earth, into the hands of the “Lizard” people’s Chosen One, aka my great great uncle John (also affectionately known to his “victims” as “Vlad”).

I Want to Be a Soap Opera Character

Look around, there is a recession everywhere. People are losing their minds and their jobs. It’s been a tough economy for most of us unless you are a soap opera character. If you are a soap character, you don’t use the bathroom or lose your job because your life is always great. Their lives are much better than ours. Here is what’s great about being a soap character.

Even More Depressing Pandemic Alert

The government today issued a new public health alert, warning of the arrival of a pandemic even more depressing than the last one. “Just in case any of our citizens woke up this morning feeling chirpy,” said Health supremo, Joe Supremo (97), “we got together with supremos from the press and the Ministry of Panic to put together this new reason not to be. After all, this is a Democracy and nobody has a right to feel exempt from the gloom that is the birthright of every citizen.

The Need For Daily Humor

People will always seek out daily humor and daily stories from the top sites around the web. When you think of how many people are sitting around at all times, bored at work or at home, it is only normal to want a quick laugh and where better than the computer, where you don’t have the necessary commitment that you would with a phone call to a friend or loved ones. Besides, the humorous daily stories you find online may be even funnier than your friends.

Her Majesty’s Government to Relocate to Poland Shock

The British Government announced today that it is relocating its centre of operations to Poland. In what is considered to be the most radical shake-up of the British puppet administration since the Roman invasion, Parliament and Whitehall will take up residence next year in vacant warehousing facilities near the dockyards in Gdansk. A source close to the Prime Minister said, “The government has decided to take a leaf out of private industry’s book…”

Minneapolis Comedy – Where to Find the Best Comedy Acts When You Are in Town

Like many cities, the Twin Cities has a great comedy scene. There are lots of places in and around the city to see Minneapolis comedy. A club might be exactly what you are looking for to get you through the cold winters in Minnesota – as well as to enjoy during the wonderful summers.

I Think I’ve Got That New Disease I’ve Seen Advertised

Swine Flu has just been launched as our latest reason to be very afraid. By a bizarre coincidence I just happen to have gotten hold of a promotional letter from a leading Disease Marketing Corporation.

Some Funny 50th Birthday Quotes

50th birthday is special in the life of everyone because it is what we call the half milestone, when you have completed half a century of living on this earth. It is when you start feeling young even though your grand kid can ride the bicycle. This is age when you look back on all the good things you have done and regret those things that you never did.

Looking For a New Career – New Job Opening in Mexico City

Are you in Mexico City and in need of a really good job? One, that will be there for your entire life, a guaranteed position with relatively okay pay and very meaningful work? If so, there is a job available that you can have without any college degree or training, all you have to do is be a happy, nice, and healthy (for now) person!

Let the Economy “Go to the Dogs”

Our dogs do not live by food alone, they must be entertained also. This will also open up a whole slew of new industries.

Joe’s Fickle Finger

Joe Arnold had a score to settle with the company’s safety department. A year ago, that department’s engineers had made an object lesson of him and today the do-gooders would get their comeuppance. Too long had they imposed unnecessary burdens on the punch press operators, chief among them, Joe Arnold. For too long they had enforced rules with the hot ardor of zealots and for too long they had used Joe as an example of the price of nonconformance.

Have You Ever Worked in Retail?

If you’ve ever worked in retail, or ever shopped in a retail store, this article is for you. See if you recognize yourself as a shopper in this humorous look at the retail business.

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