PROTECTING MY GIRLFRIEND!




This Election Year’s A Gas!

This week, the new numbers came out, and wow! The president’s approval number is now 5.29.9, and gas is at 41%… of your life savings. And they’ve stopped putting a number on unemployment – the Bureau of Labored Statistics is simply calling it “dang near all y’all”….

Meet You At The Flagpole (Aka “Sticks And Stones And Ak-47s”)

The simple words “Meet you at the flagpole” still sends shivers down my spine. We are instructed as children by our parents, teachers, or other adults that “violence solves nothing,” yet we often experience that “to the victor go the spoils.” This contradiction is not helped by the inane nursery rhymes we are taught. “Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words can never harm us.” All it really informs us is that the combatant that arrives with a stick or a stone is going to win that argument. Even the “Good Book” tells us how David wouldn’t have walked away whistling a happy tune if he hadn’t brought that slingshot along.

Boys Toys and ACTION

There is something in guys that drives them towards “adventure”, drives them towards action. There is something, and thank god it is there, that causes us to go “what if?” when dissecting a situation.

The Presidential Golf Cart and the Secret Service – Golf Cart One

Okay so, the Pope has the Pope Mobile, it is bullet proof in case god forgets to protect him I guess, who knows maybe god might get angry over the “B-Movie” cheap costume attire some of those in his entourage wear? I would. Anyway, many important people have specialty cars to parade around in.

How To Write Comedy That Will Kill At The Clubs

Want a simple way to learn how to write comedy? Here is an example I use in my comedian classes in Burbank where I teach students how to be comedian.

Interview With The President

The following is a fictionalized interview with the President. In the interview, he responds to questions that are on the minds and tongues of American citizens from Coast to Coast. Identification of the President is withheld to protect the myth he has created about himself.

Occupy The Vote!

They say that if you’re in your twenties and you’re not a liberal, you have no heart – and that if you’re in your forties and you’re not a conservative, you have no brain. This is true, of course… so the key to attaining our Utopian national bliss is to make a few simple changes to our voting laws! I mean, if we work it right, we can make people vote so brainlessly they won’t even know they’re voting….

Why the Autonomous Google Car Needs a Blow Up Alien Doll in the Driver’s Seat

The other day, I was reading that the State of Nevada now allows driverless vehicles, cars which are fully autonomous, to drive on their highways. Of course, there are a lot of stipulations, for instance the vehicle must have a $3 million cash bond in place in case there’s an accident in lieu of insurance. After all, I doubt there are very many insurance companies that would wish to insure autonomous vehicle driving through the desert of Nevada.

I’m 39 and Holding – Revisited!

How quickly the years pass when you reach 30. Then, at 55, you take serious stock of your life, and consider “course corrections.” And, when you hit 70, you think in terms of what you really want to do with the rest of your life. I’m there now…and still wondering!

Easing The Radical Transformation

You gotta hand it to the president: he’s got that whole transparency thing going on, big time. He told us four years ago that, if elected, he’d radically transform the United States of America… and, boy howdy, has he ever! You can hardly recognize the place….

Optical Protection at Its Best With Ray-Ban Sunglasses

It has been over 70 years since Ray-Ban sunglasses went into production with their quality sunglasses, beginning as official sunglasses for US Army fighter pilots to now being one of the most iconic brand style of sunglasses in the entire world. The Ray-Ban sunglasses brand has always tried to offer the most technologically advanced lenses that will protect your eyes from the harmful UV rays from the sun and today their advancements even let them do far more with these popular sunglasses.

On the Subject of Buttons

It is a constant chore through each and every hour of each and every day to maintain the viability and positioning of the buttons on my shirt. The button that bothers me most, probably undeservedly, is the button directly above the zipper on my work slacks. In reality I’ve never had a real disaster concerning this pant button.

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